the road to hell is paved with bad analogies


If you’re a regular reader of this blog, then you know that I’m a big fan of a little spanking now and then. You know what I’m talking about. A swat on the behind just makes the day better. Those of you peeking through the fingers of your covered eyes and professing to yourself that you have no idea what I’m talking about…you’re fooling no one.

So it was with glee that as I bent over to put some groceries in the refrigerator tonight, I felt a swat on the backside and turned around to see a familiar mischievous grin on Big Hands’ face. I smiled at him then continued the kitchen chores.

Thwack!

Another one right when I least expected it. Then before I could even turn around, Thwack! Another rear end smack. I looked at him with surprise.

“I just can’t help it,” he grinned. “It’s like my hand is a magnet, and your ass is a refrigerator.”

That’s right. Your ass is a refrigerator.

For a split second I thought about torturing him by pretending I was extremely offended, or worse yet, by bursting into tears and running into the bathroom. It might have been a good way to avoid dishes and get Indian food. But one glance at Big Hands’ face, and I knew that with sheer terror, he also realized that he had just compared my ass to a gigantic appliance.

I couldn’t help myself. I laughed until I cried for nearly 20 minutes.

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19 responses to “the road to hell is paved with bad analogies

  1. "…I laughed until I cried for nearly 20 minutes."

    So, either you cried for twenty minutes, or you're dangling a modifier for us.

  2. My secret's out. I'm a public dangler. And I dangled it just for you this time, CPR.

    That's not entirely true, mresquan. I stop for brief periods, but then I look at the refrigerator and start laughing all over again. It was funny, damn it!

    xo

  3. I laughed and snorted tea out my nose! I can picture the terror on his face… you were so kind not to torture him for this one.
    I'm still laughing :)
    SoHumBorn

  4. After a second reading, this story lends a new meaning to a question/song "Do you take it in the …?"

  5. I too shared in the laughter!! I so enjoy reading your blog!! Keeps me sane out here in Junction.

  6. Sohumborn…the best part…that I left out of the story…was watching his face while he stammered, "I mean…it's like, um, some kind of, um, small, um, but, um, really cute, um, magnetic object." I still laugh when I think about it. (So nice to see you. xo)

    NO, Boy, you didn't. Oh, geez, yes you did.

  7. That's comforting, anon. 11:09. Thanks.

    Damn right, CPR.

    Keeps you sane, MommaGross? Oh dear. I miss you. xoxoxoxo

  8. I don't get it…

    Being compared to a "refrigerator" is a deep complement here at Branscomb Refrigeration.

  9. Cute… an appliance analogy doesn't go over as well in the joke:
    "John and his wife were working in their garden one day when John looks over at his wife and says, "Your ass is getting really big. I bet your ass is bigger than the barbecue." With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape
    and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your ass is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"

    The wife chose to ignore the husband. Later that night in bed John was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
    "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?" "

  10. Vienna sausage might work better in this joke,
    but generally, jokes don't work well in email, nor on comment threads.

  11. Duly chastened by the appearance of a priest in the blogbar I shall heed your advice on commenting with jokes.

  12. OMG – Why have I not seen this blog before?! Jennifer over at Redneck Romance Writer pointed me in your direction and I am totally thrilled!

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