I realize that after admitting the following transgression Heraldo will never make out with me in the backseat of my car again, but while accompanying Bee to her holiday party in Crescent City yesterday, I bought toothpaste at Walmart.
The checkout line was so long that I started to wrestle with the wrapper of the large box of peppermint candy I was also purchasing so that we could eat some while waiting. (They were those delectable melt-aways. I couldn’t help myself.)
Suddenly Bee nudged me. “Did you see that?”
“Some guy just stole something and ran out the door. He threw the box right there.”
Not wanting to pry myself away from the task at hand of ripping the plastic off the peppermints, I didn’t look up. “What’d he steal?” I asked her.
She giggled. “Beano.”
I laughed. “Ha! Yeah, right.” I had finally gotten the box open and handed her a peppermint.
“No, seriously. He slipped the Beano out of the box and into his pocket, threw the box down, and ran out the door. Look.”
I looked to the place where her finger pointed, and there it was. An open empty box that used to contain Beano.
Why things like this strike me as hilarious is a mystery unto itself, but I laughed until the tears rolled down my face and my stomach hurt and the Walmart clerk looked questioningly at Bee while wondering if she was going to have to call 911.
For a split second on our way out the door I felt a twinge of guilt that neither one of us said anything to an employee about the shoplifter. But then I just shrugged my shoulders because, truly, a person who has to steal Beano from Walmart doesn’t really need any more problems in his life.