Maybe it’s me, but I cannot stop laughing hysterically at this article from the Fresno Bee, “Burglar victims wake to spice rub, sausage attack.”
The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying “Pappy’s Seasoning” to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.
And an 8-inch sausage at that!
Unfortunately in the end, the great big weapon was eaten by a dog.
I’m sure Pappy’s is lovely, but personally, when being rubbed by burglars, I prefer that they use larrupin sauce. And don’t worry. I’m not even going to tell you about my sausage preferences.