Things that make me feel better after driving home with a terrible sake hangover and realizing there are probably things from the night before that I

should regret saying but unfortunately can’t remember enough to regret them:

sake

1) Boys with spiky hair who work at Safeway

I realize that every moment of every day that goes by I move a step closer to being 40. I also realize that this means I have most definitely moved into the realm where young people who bag my groceries might begin to call me ma’am. Spiky haired boys at Safeway certainly realize this too, but they wisely wink and call me miss anyway, god love ’em.

2) Yams

Hot, steamy, yummy, orangey…baked and eaten with nothing but some fresh salted butter on top. They settle my stomach and make me feel all wholesome and earthy and pure and virginal again.

3) Langhorne Slim on the ipod.

His voice is just unhinged enough to be comforting.

4) Snow

Beautiful, silent and peaceful snow. Getting snowed in means that maybe by the time I’m able to get to town again, everyone will have forgotten about all the inappropriate things that came out of my mouth.

5) Daffodils

The coming of spring means that I can melodramatically blame my overindulgence on the dark, dreary, depressing days of winter and my feelings of grief and loss and hopelessness. Sniff.

6) Love is blind

I have a husband who upon seeing me this morning about to hike up to check the water tank in fleece pajamas with sheep on them, hot pink rubber boots and hair that hadn’t been brushed for two days said, “You look like Super Homesteader Girl. That’s hot.” While doing the dishes, no less. What more could a girl ask for?

P.S. If I happened to have seen you outside the Shanty and loudly pointed out the upstairs window you need to yell at in order to get crack, sent you a pornographic email, flashed you while you were driving or talked to you on the phone and asked you to run away and join a traveling carnival with me and let the bearded lady homeschool our little carny children…well….um….sorry.

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44 responses to “Things that make me feel better after driving home with a terrible sake hangover and realizing there are probably things from the night before that I

  1. “P.S. If I happened to have seen you outside the Shanty and loudly pointed out the upstairs window you need to yell at in order to get crack, sent you a pornographic email, flashed you while you were driving or talked to you on the phone and asked you to run away and join a traveling carnival with me and let the bearded lady homeschool our little carny children…well….um….sorry.”Holy crap!!And you’ve done all of that to me in the past hour alone.Don’t be sorry.And just so you know,my crack dealer is that bearded lady that you hope will be watching our carnies.We’ll discuss that further.

  2. I love your blog. Yum. Wasn’t the snow today amazing?!?! btw, anytime you want to meet at the Shanty for a few brews – I’m totally down.

  3. Its not yams (but turnips) that do it for me. However, I know exactly what you mean by feeling virginal after eating them. Great post!

  4. <>Were you at the Shanty Saturday night?<>Nope. Just passing by on my way to somewhere else and handing out helpful hints to the people standing around outside.

  5. Ummm,..Kristabel,you should be busy doing other things…much more important and certainly more fun than dealing with OG….

  6. I can’t understand why this OG person has appointed themselves morality police of this blog.If Mr. Ordinary guy is upset by what he is reading then there are many alternative possibilities of other ,less upsetting, reading material available on the internet.

  7. Ordinary Guy,Perhaps you may find less upsetting reading @virtuousreality.com virtuous-women.comYour inability to control the impulse to read that which upsets you so much, is obviously a problem for you. I have a strong background in behavior modification…perhaps I could help you to remove that sharp stick you have so deeply imbeded in your ass or relieve you of the intense judgement that so easily flows from your finger tips.Please be sure to let me know :)

  8. It is official Goddess, you now have your own Idiot! However, your Idiot chooses to have a name.-boy

  9. LOL! I avoid The Shanty. It’s kind of scary.But I frequently do inappropriate things at Bear River Casino. Don’t tell my mother.And I need to know where these Safeway boys are. They still insult me and call me ma’am. I’m not forty yet and one of these days “ma’am” is going to send me up on a tower with ammunition.Just sayin’.(and kidding)

  10. Darn! I need to open up an ammo store. I get the feeling the 30 something womens’ demographic might be the next growth area for ammo sale.Just a thought-boy

  11. Mresquan…why do I even talk to you cocky boys?Erin…you kill me. I think your comment may just scare poor ordinary guy back into hiding.Jennifer…I find any of the casinos far scarier than the Shanty! But if you’re gonna be there…I’m glad to see you’re being inappropriate.Boy…I’m not even sure what to say. xoxox

  12. Hey back off. I just think kristabel should act less like a slut and more like a lady. the rest of you should too.

  13. Oooo a spanking! A spanking! Pick me! Pick me!And Granny, I have to agree though I feel really old when I stare at them.It’s the whole “married with kids” thing.And Kristabel, the casinos ARE scary but it’s well lit. Very well lit.

  14. Then youll love my Arse ;). Hey OG Thats why your just an Ordinary guy Lol. i think he needs a good Root by the sounds…

  15. <>Hey back off. I just think kristabel should act less like a slut and more like a lady. the rest of you should too.<>I have a better Idea maybe we can all act like Rocky Balboa and OG can act like the meat

  16. I believe that in the latest Rocky movie (last year), the meat got a long awaited rematch, and beat the Italian Stallion in a 12 round decision. All of the judges scored the bout in favor of the meat.-boy

  17. Okay…I finally get home today and this is what I find. What is wrong with you people? And why aren’t we all at The Shanty together discussing this over cocktails? Sounds like mresquan will have his hands full…hee hee.Oh, and romeo….you’re going to have to enlighten me on some of these quaint Australian words and phrases. What’s a root?Don’t worry Erin, I’ll move on soon, but I’ve got more pressing issues right now. I think it’s all this talk about meat…..

  18. Quite pedestrian realy :P.But we Australians are different.ill have to draw a graphic Picture sometime to explain Root ;)

  19. I think OG simply has kangaroos loose in the top paddock.Just trying to speak your lingo, romeo, but I think I might need a private lesson.

  20. <>I believe that in the latest Rocky movie (last year), the meat got a long awaited rematch, and beat the Italian Stallion in a 12 round decision. All of the judges scored the bout in favor of the meat.-boy<>Maybe that’s true boy ,but this particular piece of meat is not going to be getting the nod from the judges.

  21. I realize only now, after reading again what I wrote earlier, that I have started the meat snowball on its path of destruction down the mountain.-boy

  22. It has come to my attention friend, that I have a stalker on your blog…. oh yeah baby… the bee has a stalker on your blog… so I’m going to bump boy aside and have some things be about me!!!!!So now, tonight before we cuddle into bed together, lets find our sparkle panties and have a spanking party.

  23. <>Yeah, it’s all about you boy.<>Well, it can’t be about an anonymous, dare I say…i d i…oh it can’t be that person. Anyway. Bee? Bee? Are those sparkle panties going to be green???-boy

  24. Oh yes Boy, you know the ones I speak of, you have dreamed of pulling them off us with your teeth… and then in my dream you do that thing with your tongue.And Erin, of course you may come to the spanking party….

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