We’ve Got A Million Of ‘Um

There is no denying the indisputable truth that whenever my cousin Kris and I get together we are a force to be reckoned with. We are like identical cousins born 11 months apart. We even sound the same (as many boyfriends and husbands found out the hard way). We can go on for hours about the subtle differences in goat cheese and how best to use it in a yummy new recipe or which ABBA member we should dress up as for Halloween (by the way, this year I get to be Agnetha). We crack ourselves up with the crazy ideas (literally millions) that spew forth that we are sure could work if only given a proper chance and a lot of elbow grease.

Now you, dear reader, will be included in this inner circle formerly of two. Here is a condensed version of a recent visit back to the Motherland of Humboldt.

******DISCLAIMER*****To the men in our lives-the following is not a reflection on you or your current/past performances. Any resemblance to the following descriptions is in no way factual but merely coincidental. We love and, more importantly, NEED our “Saturday Nights” (see previous postings).

Keri: You know what would be funny?

Kris: What?

Keri: They should make a TV series called “Reality Porn”.

Kris: Yah!

Keri: It would be like- “Hey baby, tonight we are gonna do it MISSIONARY STYLE!!! Oh yah, you like it like that!” And then both people get all sweaty and their fat bellies rub together and make that farting sound. At one point they bump their heads together trying to get their underwear off and start cracking up. Then she gets a cramp in her hip as she realizes that she hasn’t shaved her legs in 3 or 4 days. It lasts for about 5 to 10 minutes and then she complains that she always has to sleep in the wet spot.

Kris: Oh my God! That would be hilarious!

Keri: I know!!!

At this point, one runs to the bathroom for fear of peeing on herself, the other one pours another Limoncello.
It all seemed to make sense at the time.

Welcome to the family!!!!

5 responses to “We’ve Got A Million Of ‘Um

  1. Geez, cuz, how many boobies do you have???I think that is one of my very favorite ideas – thanks for sharing it with the world. xoxoxox

  2. Wait, what about getting celebrity advice from Ron Jeremy. “Ok, that’s good for starters…but if you really want to please the audience and the judges, you’re going to have tobe aware that there is a camera filming you from down below and your positioning is going to have to accomodate for that. And, don’t forget to pull your hair to the side for that shot….there, there…Ok, now I think the two of you are ready for your spotlight performance. Chewing gum? Honey, that’s a no-no. Slip him an Altoid if you can’t stand his breath. Ok, go get ’em tigers!” And the celebrity judges panel would be whom? Remember, one has to be British.

  3. After sleeping on it I think that the judges should be people who have some actual “reality porn” experience on their resume. So I would go with someone like: Paris, Pam Anderson or maybe Tanya Harding. British? That would have to be Queen Elizabeth! You know she likes to rock!

  4. Hey Derchoadus…You can dance; you can jiiiiive,having the time of your life…..OOooooooooDon’t pretend with me…I know you love it.

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